• Kirsty Marie Elliott

The Little Girl In You

My story

The only way forward is the truth. I want to reach out to people, I want to speak honestly and connect with them in a meaningful way. I want to say what needs to be said and refrain from sugar coating anything or tip toeing around. There is enough false in the world.

I would like to tell you my story. Or at least some of it. My story is of a sensitive girl. A girl who doesn’t know how to connect with the world, on a true meaningful level. A girl who doesn’t know how to live her truth, even though she desperately wants to. A girl who tries so hard, but just doesn’t know how to be happy even though she’s willing. A girl who tries to be strong, but deep down just wants to love, and be loved. She wants that fuzzy feeling of acceptance and good times, but knows that chasing it won’t get her anywhere. Sometimes she feels like she’s running on a treadmill, but somehow it goes around in circles and she just ends up tired.

That girl is me, and I am not afraid to say it. Because that girl is you too, and millions of other girls out there, who aren’t really girls at all….they are women who don’t know how strong they are. They put on brave masks, and they achieve like grown women are supposed to achieve, but deep down they are little girls who want pretty things, friendships and for boys to like them and stick round.

The little girl in me is still afraid. She still gets sad and lonely, she doesn’t know what to do with herself sometimes. She isn’t sure who to trust and the feelings are hard to be with at times. Being alone feels safer and more normal, but she knows that’s not quite right. Because on the opposite hand there’s a yearning for people, being included, love, laughter. So being alone feels comfortable but the burning desires come from being around people. How’s that for an interesting struggle to put up with every day?

My inner child causes me anxiety, she shouts up often when I’m doing something she’s not comfortable with….except that I can’t tell what’s she is saying a lot of the time because she’s yelling from a time far away. I FEEL her but I can’t hear her. I don’t know how to tell her it’s all going to be ok, because she’s a faint echo. But she still has a strong effect on me today, she’s determined to keep me safe and has made best friends with my subconscious. They conspire without my knowledge to lead me in the “right” direction, but they are reading a different script to the story I want for my life. They want safety and comfort, they want to stay away from absolutely any harm. But I want to grow, I want to learn and live and push the boundaries. It’s like I have to coax them and talk them down every step of the way – tiring!

You see the little girl in me has a very important job to do, and she will never give that up. She knows that she has to make decisions based on what she has experienced. She has to tell me whether I should be afraid, whether I should trust, whether I should run away. She is always searching for possible unforeseen traumas and baddies- even when I’m asleep. She is really doing her best, because she knows her job is important – she loves me.

But what she doesn’t know is- that she is just a little girl who doesn’t have all the control and she is vulnerable. When bad things happen to her it’s really scary because she has nowhere to go and she doesn’t know what to do with her feelings or who to turn to. She doesn’t even know how to communicate what she is feeling, it has to stay inside. But she doesn’t know that I, well I am all grown up. I have learnt so much, I know how to take care of myself and protect myself. I know when to walk away and when to say no. I know how important it is to love myself and put myself first. She doesn’t know that she can relax, because I have a magic toolbox that I can delve into any time. This box full of things that keep me happy when I need them, like – Mindfulness, Meditation, Massage, Yoga, Music, Baths, Nature walks, Friends to talk to, Trust in myself, Self Care- good food, sleep, clean sheets.

She doesn’t know that I have learnt how to help other people find some kind of peace, which brings me fulfillment and joy. She doesn’t know that we don’t have to be scared any more. We are ok, and we want others to be ok too.

What’s your inner child saying? If she’s not too happy, maybe it is time to stop ignoring her, and instead give her some love and reassurance. She is only trying to help, even though it feels frustrating and hard to cope with. Anxiety, like a nagging child. If you can’t tell her that it is all ok, because you’re a grown up and your taking care of yourself…..is it time to start taking better care of yourself? Your inner child, and you both deserve to be taken care of in the most nourishing way.

YOU are the person who can do that. YOU are the person who can give you more love and attention thn you have ever dreamed of. Start today. X

Kirsty Elliott

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